| 26 June 2006 |
| take a guess |
A Prayer
Thank you for blessing the road I walk on
That I'm walking on
I'm sorry for every mistake I fall on
Can't help but fall
You've changed this heart in me
And I know, I can always count on you
To give me the signs
In the wind on my face
Each time I try to run
From the sight of your grace
From the wrongs I have done
You shine down your light
Each time I need a guide
I say to hearts in despair
There's an answer to a prayer
Give me true love in my life, a peaceful mind
Save me from harm
Pull me back if I ever try to walk away
Don't let me stray
You've changed this heart in me
And I know I can always count on you
To give me the signs
In the wind on my face
Each time I try to run
From the sight of your grace
From the wrongs I have done
You shine down your light
Each time I need a guide
I say to hearts in despair
There's an answer to a prayer
Say to all hearts in despair, there's an answer to a prayer
You've changed this heart in me
And I know I can always count on you
To hear my prayers
You shine down your light
And I know there's an answer to a prayer
You shine down your light
Each time I need a guide
I say to hearts in despair
There's an answer to a prayer |
posted by zelina @ 9:18 PM  |
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| 21 June 2006 |
| all smiles |
There are times when as much as you want to keep things simple, you end up making a huge, almost-impossible-to-untangle cobweb of the whole thing. But come to think of it, each situation/problem/dilemma is really innately simple. There are just forces which go by such names as religion, tradition, conventions, and the too familiar Filipino "Manang" attitude (which come to think of it has given me enough headaches since God-knows-when).
As far as I can remember a major part (if not the whole) of my life has been affected by such conventions, and prolly will still be. It's just hard to go against practically everyone, which is why I admire those who can even in just little ways follow-their-hearts/minds. And then I had this idea that this go-with-the-flow attitude was prolly due to my strong belief in perfection, fate, and destiny so to speak -- that it exists. Thus, I have always held out for something... more: more beautiful, more exciting, more perfect. But then again at some point, you try to question what you have believed in for the longest time and realize that maybe, just maybe, that wasn't the real deal. Questions, such as, what if the outcome of your life just depended on your actions and/or reactions to the circumstances you face? That there was actually no pre-orchestrated life plan for each and every single soul here on Earth. [This is not saying that I no longer believe nor doubt the existence of a supreme being; all I'm questioning is the belief that something will become of someone even if there was no effort from such person.]
Then it dawned on me that I only had one life to live and if I were to choose, I'd rather live it my own way than follow other people's whims and wishes. That I'd consider the option that would make me happy, instead of going straight for the "right" option. Besides, I'm going to be the major player (who has both the smiles and tears) anyway and not that random stranger who'll most prolly curse me after reading this. Yes, I am aware that one's actions affect other people; but you'd also consider that it affects them less than it does me, whichever way you look at it.
All I'm saying is, "being happy" just became my new number one priority in life; not the usual making my parents happy, being a "model" elder sister, nor being the "perfect" friend.
With that thought in mind, it just makes it a lot easier to "just live". |
| posted by zelina @ 2:20 AM |
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| 15 June 2006 |
| hula baloo # 12 |
>> I just got home from a fun afternoon-night with a lot of people (will mention them one by one na lang), hee hee.
>> Got up at around 8am to the sound of men fixing our broken lights which turned out to be a (suspicious) mistake since "someone" shut off our fuse box. I am so convincing myself that it was an honest mistake.
>> Arrived at my 1pm meeting with the Ventures Publication people at around 2pm (how unprofessional, I know) due to insane reasons I don't care to elaborate further. And, the new fine for late attendees (which I suggested, haha) would be to treat merienda for the whole team! I will never be late again, haha.
>> Meeting with the Ventures team went well. I am now officially the Features Editor and am tasked to come up with atleast 4 articles per issue, maximum of 3 issues this semester. Looking at a total of 12 articles in a semester sort of makes you think that the task at hand is easy or not hard to say the most, but thinking about it from a senior student's perspective, add to that the fact that I am limited to writing about either anything related to entrepreneurship or sponsoring company features kinda increases the difficulty up a couple o' notches. Still, I commend Ash for a serious-looking semester ahead and if he wants my opinion, I go for the broadsheet, dude.=)
>> Shout-outs to ANYONE as in ANYONE who'd want to be a Features Correspondent this semester : PLEASE give me a heads up. Thank you so so much! I am already eyeing two people though: Ivan and Pat Coloma -- guys be kind enough.=)
>> After a summer of not watching, I came alive once again with the two Kate's: Kate Bitara and Kate Reyes. I soo missed watching and watching with them. Too bad the team didn't find it within themselves to give us a 3-1 win. Oh well, this means that there's gonna be a Game 5 this Friday and a possible bonding with the former el presidente.=)
>> Next destination was the adjacent mall to watch The Lake House. Before watching we had a small talk with Kuya Randell and ate Kate had to leave. The Katipunan trio -- Kate, Jo, and I -- watched the movie and we all liked it. Well, the former two liked the house and the movie while I only liked the latter. There's just something with me and glass walls (I'm a very conscious person, I know). After the movie, we spent about an hour of Timezone time. The percussion game was exciting but it was testimony to my having zero hand-eye coordination. The Stacker was certainly addictive, seeing that we spent over a hundred for that game.
>> Going back to the movie, I really liked it. Made me think again (I have to STOP!) about my life and all its joys and misery. Haha, exaj. Anyway, I might get hold of the book they featured -- Persuasion. What becomes of this thinking and book you will most prolly know soon.
>> Shout-outs of a happy birthday to my co-intern, Alan (as if any one of them internmates would evah read this blog-o). Happy 22nd birthday, man! And I already know the origin of your friggin' name and I get why you didn't want to tell me personally. See you people on the 23rd!=) |
| posted by zelina @ 1:08 AM |
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| 13 June 2006 |
| walang hanggang pag-iisip |
Forehead creases, eyebrows meet, mouth opens as an attempt at protest.. and in your little mind you see your head shake slowly, left to right, and then back. After a couple of seconds you realize that you were actually capable of having it -- that you were actually in self-denial.
I never thought that it was possible, lest I have been blind to the whole thing. I know very well that I don't know myself that much, hence, the self-discovery bouts I have had for the past years now.
A couple of days ago I was hit on the face by the truth, that to which I have been blind to since forever. I am a scaredy cat, a loser, whatever else is parallel.
Never was there a time that I took a chance on something, something as small as ordering something new on the menu at my favorite coffee shop. It was always my handy-dandy, my staple, or my quote favorite end-quote. Although I have been taking baby steps in this department, the big picture was still a blur to me, and still is up to now. I never had my share of breathtaking sighs, tears of joy, to-hell-with-the-world-cos-I'm-gonna-do-it scene. Suffice to say that I have never "lived the moment" in my whole life -- the whole nineteen years of it. Sure I have had my cut with looking-like-an-idiot-but-I-don't-care moments, like the ones wherein I pretend to fly while walking in the sidewalks; but I really haven't taken that single step when it mattered. Why? Because I always thought that there was little point in taking it all in "right here, right now". It was always due to wishful thinking that something better would come along and thus there was no use savoring what I had then and there. Thinking about it now though doesn’t start me off with the list of things I'd rather not have done in the past -- I believe everything had a reason. But it does get me a little worried that I may not be able to live life fully, that people I meet won't come to know the real me.
I want to stop worrying. I want to be prepared, but not too much as to allow myself to be drowned thinking about the future and letting the present slide by.
I want to stop being afraid. Afraid of taking chances, of making bets, of sticking my hand out in the cold.
I want to, even if it means that in the end I might hurt. |
| posted by zelina @ 11:26 PM |
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