| 21 June 2006 |
| all smiles |
There are times when as much as you want to keep things simple, you end up making a huge, almost-impossible-to-untangle cobweb of the whole thing. But come to think of it, each situation/problem/dilemma is really innately simple. There are just forces which go by such names as religion, tradition, conventions, and the too familiar Filipino "Manang" attitude (which come to think of it has given me enough headaches since God-knows-when).
As far as I can remember a major part (if not the whole) of my life has been affected by such conventions, and prolly will still be. It's just hard to go against practically everyone, which is why I admire those who can even in just little ways follow-their-hearts/minds. And then I had this idea that this go-with-the-flow attitude was prolly due to my strong belief in perfection, fate, and destiny so to speak -- that it exists. Thus, I have always held out for something... more: more beautiful, more exciting, more perfect. But then again at some point, you try to question what you have believed in for the longest time and realize that maybe, just maybe, that wasn't the real deal. Questions, such as, what if the outcome of your life just depended on your actions and/or reactions to the circumstances you face? That there was actually no pre-orchestrated life plan for each and every single soul here on Earth. [This is not saying that I no longer believe nor doubt the existence of a supreme being; all I'm questioning is the belief that something will become of someone even if there was no effort from such person.]
Then it dawned on me that I only had one life to live and if I were to choose, I'd rather live it my own way than follow other people's whims and wishes. That I'd consider the option that would make me happy, instead of going straight for the "right" option. Besides, I'm going to be the major player (who has both the smiles and tears) anyway and not that random stranger who'll most prolly curse me after reading this. Yes, I am aware that one's actions affect other people; but you'd also consider that it affects them less than it does me, whichever way you look at it.
All I'm saying is, "being happy" just became my new number one priority in life; not the usual making my parents happy, being a "model" elder sister, nor being the "perfect" friend.
With that thought in mind, it just makes it a lot easier to "just live". |
posted by zelina @ 2:20 AM  |
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